Saturday, November 17

Under "Experience" can I put "Wild Animal Trainer?"

Today, Mia got put in time out.

So she’s in there and she’s right next to her toddler potty, and she says she’s poopy, which usually means she’s about to go potty. She then pees all over the floor and starts screaming bloody murder. This is just not going well. Everything that you don’t want to have happen when potty training, has now happened, short of me yelling at her- which I will never do, because the whole situation always strikes me as funny for some reason.

Tuesday, October 23


Today is the twins’ unbirthday. Up til now, they’ve seemed to avoid looking directly at each other, but they really connected for the first time today. I had Anya sitting in my boppies and was holding Bree sitting facing her. Anya had a little rattle and dropped it and Bree just busted up laughing. She thought Anya was entertaining her like Mia has been doing lately. Anya just looked at her blankly while she kept bubbling over with little baby chuckles. Finally Anya thought Bree was pretty funny and she started to smile and coo at her. They like to play with each other’s hands now, too. It’s way sweet. They try to eat the other’s fingers, and neither one minds.

I was trying to quietly clean up during the babies' nap and I accidentally dropped a dish and made a ton of noise. I said “Dangit,” and Mia comes into the kitchen and says “What’s a mattew mommy? What’s a mattew?” I tried not to laugh and explained in as serious a tone as I could muster, “I made a big noise, and I’m trying to keep quiet so the babies don’t wake up.” She pauses and says “Maybe try again next time.”

She is always answering with “Maybe” lately: Do you want milk or juice? Maybe…milk. Want to clean up? Maybe… yes! So funny. She also says, after she’s done something cool, “Good Job! So proud of you!” He he. She’s starting to say please, too. No more trips to the toddler potty, though. I keep asking and she flat out says no. She doesn’t want a treat, she doesn’t want to be like Elmo or Mommy or Daddy. She even warns me right before she poops, and I go through all of that before she goes in her diaper two minutes later. So I know it’s not a matter of not being able to. I guess I screwed up, trying to teach her too soon. But I seriously don't know what I should have done- she was taking off her diapers with poop in them and running around bare-bottomed! She went by herself twice! I totally didn’t think I was forcing her. I think she just got embarrassed that she wet on the floor and doesn’t want it to happen again.

Tuesday, October 16

New and Improved: Hands-free Offspring

This morning all the girls fed themselves! Mia ate a bowl of Mini Wheats, and the girls held their bottles for the whole feeding! I just supervised a little. And last night I slept from 11 to 6:30, when Zach woke up, and then slept til 7:45 when Mia and Bree woke up. Pretty cool!

Monday, September 17


Mia had fun at her Sesame Street birthday party. We have a two-year-old!!

We don't know many people yet, so the three kids that came ranged in age about three years. But they were so sweet, everybody seemed to have a good time despite the age differences. We put an Elmo tablecloth down and decorated Elmo cupcakes, played "Find Elmo," and ring around the rosies on our hands and knees.

Friday, August 17

New friends

Yesterday evening our new friends, the Bevans, came over and brought dinner. Maury made steak lettuce wraps with oriental sauce that tasted just like Asian Star back in Utah. Mia and Abby ran around playing and squealing. They hugged each other so hard that Abby somehow managed to tip Mia over- which was funny to see, cause Mia is almost a head taller. We had a great time! And I'm pretty sure Mia enjoyed playing with someone other than the neighbor's cat for a change.

Monday, August 13

In a different state

We got to Ohio on the 1st. I just re-read some of my past blogs, and I realized what an eventful year we've had so far. And that's about all I can say right now. Mia's really lonely. The rest of the crap I'm dealing with right now isn't even bloggable.

Friday, July 13

Coincidence or "the curse?"

Zach and I took Mia to the zoo. If you haven't ever taken a neglected 22-month-old to the zoo on Friday the 13th, you have been deprived of the experience of a lifetime. We dropped the babies off at the Van Wagoners. Mia didn’t want to leave, so she cried. She whined all the way to the zoo, cause the sun was in her eyes and we didn’t have anything to put in the window. She started crying when Zach dropped us off at the entrance. The first animal we saw was a giraffe. Mia wanted to ride it. And when she realized she couldn’t, she started crying. Then, we left to go see something else, and she started crying. We got to the water fountain shaped like a lion. She loved it! And then another girl came to fill her canteen- guess who started crying.

Friday, July 6

Ready or not, here we go

Our van, filled with two babies and a toddler, broke down on the freeway on the way home today. The transmission went nuts and the engine started overheating. We had to get off in American Fork and take refuge from the 102 degree heat in an Office Max. We were the only "customers" in the store, and they kept asking us if we were finding everything okay. I quit explaining we were actually just loitering after the second salesperson, and we kind of hid out in the office section on the comfy chairs. I bought a Dasani so we wouldn't be complete freeloaders.
So here's my concern: our plan of rescue. I called my mom and asked her to trade her car with my dad's van (luckily, he was just pulling up to the house) and come load it with all three car seats and all the boxes of crap we were transporting from their house (which we had just left) to our apartment. When she arrived, Zach would see if he could get the van back to his dad's auto shop in Sandy for a free diagnostic, at which point he would get a ride home from his mom. We utilized four parents to get out of that pickle- the exact number of parents that we don't have living in Ohio. Where we plan to move in exactly 25 days. 1,735 miles away.
So what? you say. You would have just called a tow truck, a mechanic, and a taxi. But a mechanic, and tow truck or taxi driver wouldn't have hunkered down on the floor of Office Max and helped me wrangle Mia and change her poopy diaper, simultaneously keeping hungry Bree's binki in her mouth, while Zach transferred our crap from the broken van to the good one. And the tow truck and taxi driver wouldn't have stayed with me when I got home to help feed all three kids (an hour late) and put them to bed while Zach took the car to the shop.
Without all four parents, today would have been messy. Not to mention the fact that we'd be hundreds of dollars in the hole.
Independence Day is going to be a month later for us this year. August 1st. I have a feeling August isn't going to be nearly as... convenient... as was July.

Sunday, June 17

Cut me open

I got my gallbladder out Friday. It’s Sunday- 5:00 am, and I have just started breastfeeding the babies again. The anesthesiologist said it would be fine- that nothing would get through enough to affect them. What an odd man. I was scared to death, had actually broken down in tears while Zach was gently joking about the table I would be laying on, and how I wouldn’t care how cold the room was. So I’m lying on said cold hard table, and the guy hands me a huge tube syringe and says, “Here, knock your self out.” Everyone giggles and I just cringe and shove it back. “Noooo!” When I woke up I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t cough without feeling a huge sharp pain in my left side, and I started crying again. Next day I come to find out I was premenstrual for the first time in about a year. Ah ha.
I’m still in a lot of pain. I could take more drugs, but they turn me into a zombie. Actually, worse- zombies can walk. My milk supply has been cut in half, and Mia is really having a rough time with me unable to pick her up. She throws little squealing tantrums- “Noooooo!” in a high pitched voice. Super-sonic pitched. Aaaand the drugs just kicked in. Night.

Sunday, May 27

Good times

They just grew out of their preemie outfits this week! Bree’s legs are getting so plump! Anya is getting long and heavy. They are completely different girls. Just like Mark and Eric- two totally different kids that just happened to be born at the same time. Bree looks a lot like Mia. Anya looks like Kiley! When they are about 4 and 5, people are going to have a hard time figuring out which ones are twins. They are so cute. Especially when they are wide awake and looking around. Bree has kissable cheeks, and Anya has kissable lips, and Mia is just learning how to do Eskimo and butterfly kisses so between the three of them, my kisses are pretty busy!

Yesterday, Zach had rag that Mia wanted, and she said “I need dat!” in a loud, commanding toddler voice. We just looked at each other with our mouths open and started laughing. I guess that must be something we say a lot! She said it a few times until he gave it to her. Today I took her to the store with me and she asked me to pick her up on the way down the stairs, “Pit you up?” with her arms raised. And then, in the store, she kept pointing to the floor, repeating “Wat? Wat?” She wanted to walk. Oh- she’s irresistible.

Thursday, May 24


The events of my b-day. I went to consult with a surgeon about my gallbladder (and missed my morning nap) so he could tell me that I may or may not have another attack, and if I do, it could be any time, so I may or may not want to have it taken out. So helpful!
Zach played some songs on the guitar for my present. I was holding the twins and Mia was sitting next to me, and he changed the lyrics to “And it’s me and you and three little people,” so of course I cried. And I laughed because it was supposed to be romantic, and I was sitting there in my post-nursing garb, wiping up spit up from Bree’s mouth while Anya kept letting these sulfuric farts on me, and Mia was “singing” along, trying to get my attention.

Sunday, May 20


Yesterday we went to Chuck-a-Rama for all the May birthdays/Mother's Day. My Aunt LuJean put the most incredible gift together. It was so fun to open! She actually designed a logo that says “Get used to pink” above a caricature of Mia holding Anya and Bree with their names below. She hauled out this huge bag full of three little personalized coordinating outfits for each of the girls (nine outfits total), a diaper bag, and an apron- all bearing the logo. Zach got a pink T-shirt with the logo on the back (wrapped in a pink gift bag.) She also gave me the CUTEST pink leather purse that I have secretly coveted, but never imagined I could have. It is big enough to double as a diaper bag, and has three little pockets for pictures on the side! I felt so special as I pulled out each little thing and realized how much thought she had put into it. She always puts her own flair on things- I want to do gifts just like her for my kids.

Sunday, May 13

Deja Vu

This Mother’s Day was kind of interesting. The night before, Zach's parents were both over so we could both get more sleep. I woke Zach up at 11 with incredible pain in my ribs. I’ve never had so much trouble breathing before. Luckily, with both his parents there, we were free to leave for the E.R. It was about an hour before I had an I.V. in me and the pain meds turned the sharp ache, surrounding and gripping my whole ribcage, into a dull throb. We went home and the rest is a blur. Apparently, its textbook gallbladder, and I have to go back to the hospital for an ultrasound tomorrow or Tuesday. And I can’t have any fattening or greasy foods.

Monday, May 7

Little Zoo, Expensive Flu

Coralee came over and watched Mia while I took Zach to the emergency room between feedings. That was around 6. I left him there to come home, put Mia down and for the next feeding. I put her down and started to change Anya’s diaper, when Mia woke to a knock on the front door and started crying for me. It was our downstairs neighbors bearing homemade bread. She settled down just in time for my visiting teacher to wake her up with another knock. I had called her to see if she could help with the next feeding, and when she didn’t answer or call back, I came home. But, there she was. So I gave her Anya and went in to put Mia down for the third time just as Kerry and Tyson knocked. Zach had called them to come give him a blessing.

So there was a little zoo at our house. Finally, around 9:30 everyone cleared out, and Mia went down without crying.

I had a 30 minute nap window, but Zach called to give me an update on how they are running more tests, even though he feels better and he is now uninsured. So here I am waiting for the next feeding in three minutes.

It’s 1 in the morning. Zach went back to his parent’s house to sleep. They think he just has the flu.

Friday, May 4


Cleaning and Scrubbing

Can wait till tomorrow

For babies grow up

We learn to our sorrow.

Settle down cobwebs,

Dust go to sleep

I'm rocking my baby

'Cause babies don't keep.

Thursday, May 3

Too pooped to... what was I saying?

They are a week and a half old! But more importantly, I've lost 30 pounds! ha ha.

Mia has been pretty emotional. This morning she started bawling when she came and saw me sleeping. She actually wanted to snuggle. The day after we brought Anya and Bree home, she cried when Coralee left, and for the first time in months I was physically able to squat down to her level and hug her as long as she wanted. She calmed down immediately and just let me hold her for a few moments. The whole time I was thinking; “How long has she needed this?” and it brought me to tears. Other than that, I haven't cried since we got home last Wednesday. Amazing, really. I was a huge wreck last time.

I am starting to get really wiped out, however, from waking up every two and a half hours. They are too tired to breastfeed, so I’ve been pumping. Somehow, between getting bottles ready, trying to get enough food down them, changing diapers (Anya has been two per feeding quite often) and pumping, I can only get an hour of sleep per stretch. It is exhausting. I have tried napping during the day, but I can’t get to sleep fast enough, so I always end up just lying there for an hour. I wonder when it is safe to go to a three hour schedule at night.

Monday, April 30

A little too little

Thank goodness for modern medicine. These are lights used to help the babies deal with the extra bilirubin their bodies can't get rid of on their own. "Jaundice."

Sunday, April 29

For mature readers only

The girls were born on Monday, the 23rd. Hallelujah! Zach, Mia and I all went to my appointment at 3:00. On the way out the door we wondered if we should bring the suitcase with all my stuff. But we were running late, so I said to leave it, and that he’d be coming back anyway to put Mia down.
Dr. Langer said I was dilated to a 5+. So we talked about inducing me Friday- Zach’s graduation day. I figured we wouldn’t make it to Friday, but we said sure. After the appointment we decided to go wait at my mom’s for a while just to make sure the contractions I was having were like all the others I’d had all week- fake. But as we got further away from the hospital and they didn’t go away, I grew more and more apprehensive about the distance between me and the O.R. We made it to my mom’s, and I lay down for a minute to see what would happen. I kept getting small contractions every couple of minutes. So we left Mia with my mom and "went on a drive" toward the hospital, just in case. When we got there, I sat in the foyer while Zach parked the car- feeling nothing but pressure with each contraction and wondering if we should go up to labor and delivery. When Zach came in, I said “you know they’re not going to let me go if I go up there. Dr. Langer will just start me.” We went up anyway.
It was definitely different this time- walking in on my own smiling, instead of being wheeled in carrying a Ziploc full of vomit I deposited during the elevator ride. Dr. Langer was there in no time and announced I was dilated to a 6+. (All these pluses- I think she just says that so her patients feel like they are almost to the next number. Mentally, it would help things progress, I guess!) Once we knew we were staying for sure, we asked my Dad to bring over a video camera.
A nurse asked me if I was planning on any pain meds and I kind of laughed and said no. I was still scared to death of the epidural needle and all of the crappy birth stories involving epidurals not working right. Dr. Langer just looked at me surprised, and convincingly explained why I needed one, apologizing that she hadn't gone over it before. Hmm. My mind did what it usually does for me in situations I can’t handle. Went into robot mode, and refused to think about it. “Guess I’m getting an epidural, then,” I read the script in my brain, not meaning a word of it.
A nurse mentioned that the only way I’d get out of the epidural would be if I was ready to push before Max, the anesthesiologist, got there. So I just sat there willing each contraction to get me to the pushing stage. No luck- Max got there first. I told him I didn’t want to know anything he was doing, and that I only wanted to know what I was about to feel. He did just that, and when it was over I lay down relieved that I wasn't crippled, and felt my legs slowly go numb.
Dr. Langer broke my water. They said that my contractions started getting huge, and I believed them, because I could feel the cramping. Max had left to go help another patient, so for the time being, I was lying there unable to move because of an epidural I hadn’t wanted, and still feeling pain. It wasn’t terrible, though. I just commented that it was kind of lame. Soon, Max came back and upped the dose a tad. After that, they wheeled me into the OR, just to be prepared. Getting from one bed to the other was kind of cumbersome- for the nurses. Ha. I could barely move my lower half.
Dr. Langer decided the next contraction would signal pushing time. I think we went through two contractions, and I heard them say they could see Anya’s head. Dr. Langer commented on how perfectly round it was, and I was glad. I thought for sure she’d have a squished head after sitting so low in me for so long. I waited as they suctioned her, and with the next push felt like someone had just stood up after sitting on my abdomen. The painful pressure up against my ribs finally went away, and I said “I can't believe there's another baby in there!” 10:20. They showed me my little Anya, and wiped her off on my chest. She wasn’t crying, which kind of worried me, but no one else was panicking, so I didn’t. Then she let out a little cry, so I was relieved. So small! SO small.
A few minutes later it was back to business. I found out just after the fact that they put an internal monitor and a vacuum on Bree. I was kind of peeved they didn’t even ask about either thing. She came at 10:30. Total push time was about 15 minutes- crazy. They wiped her down on my chest and I finally got a good look at her. She was even smaller! I just couldn’t believe babies were born any smaller than this. Sweet little things!!

Friday, April 20

Still pregnant

Oh- I’m so ready to get these kids out of me! I wasn’t nearly this uncomfortable with Mia. Probably cause I was walking around. I’m getting to the point where I catch myself planning the future as if I will always be pregnant. Not good- considering they will be here any day now! I think I’m in for a big shock, because I just can’t picture me with TWO BABIES!!! Anya is measuring 5 lbs 2 oz, and Bree is measuring 5 lbs 5 oz. Dr. Langer said they would do just fine if they were born now- that they could go home on time and everything.

Saturday, April 7

Crunch time

Yesterday at my doctor’s appointment the exam revealed I’m dilated to a 3+, 80% effaced and -3 station. With Mia, I was the exact same, only at 0 station, exactly 22 days before she was born. I’m hoping I’ll be able to carry them til graduation in 20 days. But things seem to be progressing twice as fast, which would put their B-day around the 20th.
They gave me a steroid shot to help the girls’ lungs develop surfactant more quickly and facilitate better breathing, just in case they come soon. Zach just gave me the second dose a half hour ago. His first injection! I always swore I’d never be his guinea pig, but I had a suspicion I would end up getting something done to me. Well there it was- hopefully we’re done. Compared to the one the nurse did yesterday, his injection hurt about three times as bad going in and twenty times as bad going out. I hate shots! Oh, well- all for a good cause.

Thursday, March 15

Lucky, lucky, me

We started sleeping on our new Tempur-pedic bed last week. We've always wanted one, and since my mom said she'd help us pay for it, we figured I'd appreciate it now more than any time in the future. One of the warranty requirements is that it be placed on a hard, flat, surface, like a platform bed. No box springs allowed. And since we haven't found a platform bed we can afford yet, this wonderful new bed is on the floor. I'm 30 weeks pregnant with twins, getting up three times a night for bathroom trips, and starting from THE FLOOR. Yes, I have a Tempur-pedic, and yes, I'm complaining.

Wednesday, February 28

First timers

At lunch I used my musical phone rings to distract Mia into eating this blended peas and grain mixture I made. She wasn’t too excited to eat it. Half way through the bowl she started looking at the phone and asking “Daddy?” It was the end of the hour, so I thought he might have a break between classes (he's a guitar teacher) and called him. Usually, Mia hears him on the other end and pushes the phone away whining, but today she actually listened and grunted in response to his comments. To see if she was really listening, he asked her to recite the animal sounds she knew. I sat and watched her moo, meow, bark, and say, “beeaw!” (bear) Her first phone conversation! Zach and I were both enthralled the whole time.
I just can’t see everything being so amazing when the twins do things for the first time. I guess because that was also Zach’s first phone “conversation” with his own kid. All the firsts get used up on the first kid! I don’t expect to experience the twins’ lives with the same sense of ignorant awe. Maybe it will be more fun that way, because the time spent figuring basic things out can be spent enjoying them.

Sunday, February 25


Mia is officially addicted to Elmo. Other than "Mama and Dada," his was the first name she could say a few months ago. On a more appropriate note, the second name she said, for the first time today, was Jesus.

Thursday, February 15

Big people celebrate, too

Valentine’s Day was fun. Zach got us a little gift basket from BYU with Martinelli’s, goblets and chocolate scented candles with a big bouquet of red roses. My mom came to watch Mia, and we headed up to Olive Garden to put our names on an 80-minute waiting list. After going to Reams and Kid-to-Kid, I couldn’t walk anymore, so we headed back to the restaurant where a gracious woman around Zach’s age let me sit in her husband’s empty seat.
We ate way too much, and headed over to BYU for a Valentine’s Day concert. It was ok- they served Milano’s and Martinelli’s, and there were little battery-operated tea-lite candles to play with. The music was written by students who had joined this BYU club with apparently lax admission requirements, and after we figured we had heard our yearly quota of cliché love song lyrics and amateur accompaniment, we decided to head home and let my mom off the hook.

Tuesday, February 13

The joy of motherhood

Valentine’s Day can come and go unnoticed, for all I care. I am so sick of being in pain, and tired, and huge and ugly. I try and be positive, but I suck at it.

Thursday, February 8


Monday I saw an important ad in the online classifieds. I’ve been checking the baby section every day looking for good deals. Someone put an ad in for an apartment lease. I read it for no reason, other than it was funny that someone put it in "baby items" and it hadn’t been reported and moved yet. 4 bedroom, free internet, a pool and gym, granite countertops and tile floors: $610 a month.
When I realized what an incredible deal it was I started thinking how nice it would be to move there instead of my parents’ house. (We have to sell our current home, and I'm too pregnant to keep it clean while we're showing it.) The amazing thing about it- the lease ends in July and you can’t renew the contract, I found out later it is because the complex is really student housing, and when it was first built, they opened it temporarily to families at that great rate. The catch was- they got kicked out after two years. So this family found a house and it closed really fast. They have to move at the end of this month.
Just for the fun of it, I calculated the difference we would pay, once we got rid of our internet. $100 a month. Hmm. Just for a little more fun, I called the gal who placed the ad. She said all the offers she got wanted to renew the lease past July- which they couldn’t do. I called Zach, who surprised me by sounding optimistic. I looked for the ad an hour later, and it had been deleted. If I hadn't called her, I wouldn't have her number. We went and looked at the apartment that night, applied for it the next day, and today, Thursday, we signed the lease! Crazy!

Friday, February 2

Lookin' goooooood

Well, I think people will finally stop saying that I don’t look pregnant. I have definitely gotten bigger the last couple of weeks. My body is so messed up.

Friday, January 19

Really, truly

I went through Mia’s baby clothes to kind of inventory and organize. When I stood up and looked at the changing table, for a second the fact that two little babies are actually going to be here seemed real. I wasn’t as scared during that moment. More grateful than anything. Kind of enchanted, thinking how magical and reverent it was having just one little new spirit in the house.

Monday, January 15

From home to the O.R.

It turns out that the midwife clinic I was planning on going to for this pregnancy can’t handle twin births, so I’m going back to Dr. Langer all the way over at Jordan Valley. I’m kind of relieved, even though I’m not looking forward to such long drives again to get to appointments, and it worries me that I’ll be so far away from the hospital on D-day. I hope they won’t automatically want to induce me, ‘cause I really want things as natural as possible (if possible.) I’m just praying that they both present vertex, even though only a small percent of twins do. Second best would be if the second baby is breech and Dr. Langer is a confident breech “birther.” I so dread being cut open. I might opt for general anesthesia, just because I am so freaked out by the idea. I mean- hello- I don’t want an epidural because I’m afraid of the needle. This is like- ten times worse. I can't believe I'm going from delivering at home, to the O.R.
I read both books we got from Barnes and Noble on twins. One is over 300 pages, the other 500. I barely skimmed over all the “this is why your pregnancy is more likely to be doomed” and “this is why Cesareans are so bad” chapters. I didn’t really get much help from either book. Everything is pretty obvious- you are having two babies, and you are going to have to figure out yourself the way things are going to work.

Friday, January 12

Who's who

I just called Marilyn, the doula who was there for Mia’s birth. She said she wouldn’t mind doing a trade to come help with the twins’ birth. I’m sure it will be nice to have her there, and I’m grateful she is willing to work something out with us. She usually charges $400.
Mia is starting to say more words. Yesterday she saw a baby on the TV and said “Behbee!” and today she was looking at a little family statue Kirsten Morgan gave us and pointed to the baby and said “Baybee!” so I know it isn’t a fluke. We didn’t even teach her that one. She mimics us when we say easy words like “Ew” and “Uh-oh.” And when we watch her Baby Einstein videos that my mom gave us she tries to say the words. They say “couch” and she gears up her throat and says “gough!” Flower is “wawo!” It is so much fun to watch her. I’m so in love with her, I just cringe when I think how hard things could be on her over the next year.
We think we decided on names. This Sunday we picked out Anya Rachelle and Bree Camille, and neither of us has changed our mind yet. I guess we’ll just see who looks like what when they’re born and decide who is who then.