Have you ever had the dream that your teeth were falling out? I feel them crunch, and spit them into my hand, one by one, then two or three at a time, until my hand is full of broken teeth bits.
When we were first married, Zach said he could hear my teeth squeak as I ground my jaws together while I slept. I had no idea.
I stopped for a while, I think.
But a few weeks ago, I was looking at my teeth and noticed the points of my top canine teeth were gone. Gone! They are flat now! They were there less than a year ago- I'm positive.
And then came the pain.
I called the dentist and they got me in quick. This morning I went for my new-patient appointment. The dentist said "You have beautiful teeth. No cavities." I was shocked. I thought I must have a hole the size of... well... a cavity at least.
What was causing the pain?
Me. My clenched jaw. Inflamed the nerve in that tooth.
He said 99.9 percent of the time, the cause of this in adults is stress. He said, "So try to look at what is stressful in your life and limit it." I made it look like I was getting up to leave, and said, "Alrighty- be seein' ya!" They got the joke. Later, the assistant was flossing me and asked if I had kids. When he found out their ages he called the dentist back and said "Hey- I know what her stress has been over!" and told him. It was kind of cute.
But really. It's not like having kids is going to get any easier, is it? I guess things like moving eight times in six years, changing states, and certain unmentionables have definitely added to the levels of AAaaaaaaAaahhhhhh! in my life. Maybe things will get better. I just hate to look at life that way. I want to be able to say things are okay the way thay are. I can handle this. But to tell the absolute truth, I am at a point where I have to rely on a hope of a better future to keep my sanity. There's no way I could live my whole life like this.
A part of me thinks there is something inherently wrong with that reasoning. But another part of me knows there's a reason we age, and we grow, and things change. Because we're not wired to stay in the exact same situation forever.
Here's where my thoughts went.
'Night! *squeak squeak squeak squeak*