I haven't gotten a good night's sleep yet this week.
Sunday. I play a new game I discovered: Settlers of Catan as an app! Since the kids kept losing to me and once Zach, (we even gave ourselves handicaps!) they refused to play it anymore. So I was thrilled with this new game I could play that didn't involve crushing my kids' competitive little egos. This night, I think I'll try a new board with a bunch of new rules and twists. It lasts a LOT longer than the other versions, so I don't finish until after my bedtime. And then I discover that I can't turn my brain off for an hour after I play a game like that. So Sunday night is shot.
Monday. Mia went off on how much she loved this book "Guitar Notes" by Mary Amato. She finished it for the third time, and I figured I'd better see what the heck this book is all about. I think I will read it to let my mind wind down and get me tired enough to sleep after playing a much shorter version of Settlers, which game I'm obviously addicted to now. I make sure to stop playing an hour before bedtime, so I won't be all wired. But then the book, an hour in, turns out to be a really adorable page-turner. And you know young adult fiction- you can finish the little thing in a couple of hours. So I go ahead and finish it. An hour past my bedtime. Here's the thing about when I lose sleep. I become an insomniac. So it takes me a while to fall asleep, even though I'm totally wiped. (But that book is seriously so cute.)
Tuesday. Boys are down, and it's "me" time. I'm determined to just go to bed at the appropriate hour. Zach is downstairs in his "on-call" bed, so I sit alone upstairs, pull out my contraband chocolate and play one little 10-point game of Settlers, lasts 30 minutes. I look for my last chocolate- I swear I had three, where's the last one? Guess I ate it. Read a different book that is taking me forever to finish because it isn't that interesting, and I know I won't be tempted to stay up reading it. Get up to go to bed dutifully on time, and realize I have mashed melted chocolate through all layers of my clothing and bedding. ALL LAYERS down to my mattress topper. It is time to sleep, but I have to strip my bedding, including the full slip-cover to the mattress, soak the stain, and re-make the bed. Which is unfortunately really hard for me. We have a Tempurpedic because I have a stupid back that goes out whenever I sit on the couch, vacuum, whatever. It's a crap back. And our massively heavy mattress is sandwiched between furniture and really hard to make. So it takes a lot longer than a bed should take to make. I'm shaking my head the whole time at my dumb back, cursing chocolate (forgive me chocolate, I didn't mean it,) starting to curse my beloved Tempurpedic, but no- I will never do that. A half hour after I should have been in bed, the thing is done, and I am quite worked up. I don't fall asleep for another hour.
Wednesday. I WILL GO TO BED! ON TIME!! I finish the game I started at lunch and didn't have time to finish. (Oh my gosh, I'm addicted to this thing. But once I've defeated the most difficult opponent on the most difficult board, I'll be sick of it- that seems to be my M.O. And I think that will happen within a few more games. There may be hope for me.) I do some dishes and realize my back is still very out. I sit around talking to Zach, lecturing him about getting more sleep because it leads to insomnia, until he finally gives in and goes to bed. I go upstairs to GO TO BED, and stop to rotate some laundry. Lo and behold, there is a spider.
Scratch that, there is a monster. It is missing one of it's legs. I wonder if we've been accidentally using it as a paintbrush.
We have been remarkably free of bug sightings this year. It has been almost weird. Our bug spray guy hasn't bothered to do the upstairs because we just don't think we need it. Well it turns out the reason we didn't need it is because this gargantuan arachnid has been doing his job for him all winter! And it is parked in this weird six inch area on the wall below my laundry cabinet and above my dryer!
He has to die. Before he eats one of my children. I can't do the squish-the-bug-under-a-tissue thing. Too many traumatic encounters with spiders as a child- I seriously have a phobia. I WILL throw stuff at them, but this thing is in a spot where I will either hit the cabinet or the dryer, and then he will fall behind my dryer, and then he will hide until he can lift it away from the wall just in time to pounce on one of my children and eat them. I go searching in the garage for the bug spray I know isn't there because I looked months ago when I saw the last spider who was 1/4 this size. I look in all the possible places we could have ever stowed a can of bug spray. I look up common household products that can kill bugs. I'm in a huge hurry because I know he's going to hide and then I will die of terror. The internet says window cleaner, and of course we don't have any because that is Kael's favorite job, and while he sucks at cleaning windows, he's very good at using up window cleaner.
I close my eyes and sigh. It has to be done. I wake up the man I just lectured about getting too little sleep. My knight in cotton underwear. He comes in and freaks out appropriately, just enough so that I don't feel completely unjustified in my need to be rescued. He goes to smash it with a paper towel and chickens out. This thing is tarantula size- there's no way you wouldn't feel that pop. Just... ugh.
So he gets a shoe and covers it with the paper towel. Good idea. He goes to smash, and it leaves a smudge, even though we can't see where Mr. Monster ended up. I have to believe he's really dead.
Zach goes back to sleep. I get in bed and lie awake listening to my heart pound for the next hour, imagining the beast, missing another leg, and coming for vengeance.
I am going to bed on time tonight. So help me.