Tuesday, May 12

Not a Jellyfish Bad Day

This morning Zach read me an e-mail forward I'd heard before. A guy told his sister her bad day at work wouldn't seem so bad when she heard what his bad day was like. He was a deep sea diver who, instead of getting just the usual warm water pumped into his suit, got a jelly fish in there, too. It stung his rear, which he unthinkingly scratched and ground jellyfish into. It took 35 minutes AFTER the sting to decompress and get back to the surface where he proceeded to not poop for two days because his bum was swollen shut. We were laughing pretty hard as Zach read the end of the story- "So if you think you're having a bad day, just ask yourself- is this jellyfish bad?"

An hour later, dashing madly about the house to find the Ancient Egypt book for the preschool lesson I've been planning for a month, and ultimately not finding it, I was pretty bummed. Not to mention the fact that during my mad dash I forgot to put the Egyptian Palace Bread in the preheated oven, so by the time I remembered, it only had ten minutes to bake and ended up very mushy. My sweet husband was helping me look and load the kids into the car, and when I finally got out of the garage I was thinking, "Definitely not jellyfish bad."

I traded the twins for one of our preschool girls and we headed to preschool on the most aggravating street in the US. You go from 40 or 45 mph to 25 right before a slew of stoplights every 100 yards. When I got stopped at the twentieth or thirtieth light, just 100 yards from the street I needed to turn onto (yes, I'm kind of exaggerating) I sighed loudly, and Mia's friend asked what was wrong. I tried to explain how stop lights work when you're late, and as I gunned it to get through the next light a policeman stepped out into the road in front of me and motioned me to pull over. Did I mention I was the ONLY car getting trapped at every light? So it was very easy for me to cross both lanes and pull onto a side street.

As I watched him approach in my rearview mirror, my eyes focused on my eyes. "Oh, crap." He didn't even give me a chance to explain that my outrageous eyeliner wasn't an homage to Amy Winehouse. Maybe he saw the plate of soggy "palace" bread and the sheet cut into long mummification strips on the seat next to me, the two three-year-old girls on the seats behind me, and figured it out...

or, thought I was as crazy as I looked.

"Not jellyfish bad," I told myself as I pulled away, eyeing the shiny new ticket on the seat next to my Egyptian gear.

The lesson went okay- nothing like I had planned- but what can you expect when you're a ditz trying to teach little kids who are inherently ditzes simply because they're little. My cut-up sheets made a huge mess after our "mummification," so Mia got some unsupervised playtime while I vaccuumed. She wasn't too happy to become supervised again just to be told it was time to get off the trampoline and go home, so I packed the car while she went in time out and thought about different approaches to handling bad news. I guess I sounded pretty pissy putting her in there, because the grandpa who had been watching some of the kids while I vaccumed wouldn't even look at me as I passed him in the doorway. Great- ditz and mean.

"Still nowhere near jellyfish bad," I told myself as I pulled away.

And drove VERY slowly.

The twins traded back again, we were about a half mile from home, when Mia piped up from the back seat. "I was choking Mom!" I looked into the rearview just in time to see Mia throw up all over herself. Apparently she doesn't know what "choking" means. Or when to stop jumping on the trampoline.


"Not jellyfish bad... hmm- I wonder if this is what jellyfish smell like..."


Breezi said...

Don't you just love that "New Ticket" smell? ahh.... refreshing.

Sorry you had such an awful day! Good story, Awful day.

I think I passed most of my curse onto my friends. Sorry That you are one of them. :)

Alisa said...

Oh man! This may not be jellyfish bad, but it sounds like a pretty rotten day. You handled it VERy well!

Marsie Pants said...

But on the plus side, Abby liked the Egypt lesson. She told me, "Mommy, I got tied up and I ate princess bread!" It took me a while but I figured you made her into a mummy rather than the torture I was picturing. She wouldn't have been so ecstatic. And she also told me about how she "kept telling Summer that I went to Egypt a long, long time ago." She wouldn't have talked so much about it if she didn't like it. So, well done!

Summer said...

Quite generous of you, Maury considering I totally called your daughter a ditz... (it's been one of those "I'm with stupid" days. I need to make some T-shirts for the girls with arrows pointing up at a diagonal...)

Blog Stalker said...

Well, i know it was not an exciting day for you, jellyfish bad or not, but it made me smile. Mind you I was not smiling at you, well, okay maybe I was. It is just somewhat relieving to know others have days like this.

Wishing you many days of rest sometime in your near future. (we can dream, right?)

Have a great day!

Cherry Tree said...

Don't you know the whole purpose of bad days is to make you laugh later?

Rachelle Van Wagoner said...

Oh my Summer! I must admit, that is pretty bad! And you did handle ALL OF IT extremely well! Mush better than I would have! Tickets are the worst...dont they know you are speeding for a REASON!?!?!

RhondaLue said...

umm it kinda does sound jelly fish bad to me.

Maybe mine wasn't jellyfish bad but if anyone asked how I was doing or made eye contact with me at quilt day at the church (or anywhere else) yesterday, I burst into tears (and tried to hide it which then caused a 20 min discussion of allergy meds for red eyes, sniffles, etc) which irritated me and made me want to cry more. I wonder if anyone noticed my 4 trips to the bathroom so I could let it all out?

Ahhh here's to hoping today is a better day!

RhondaLue said...

p.s. Dh just got a ticket for "stopping too close to the railroad tracks" nevermind the fact that he was stopping to let a car in front of him because there was a detour due to a traffic accident. And because hubby packs heat and knows the law so kindly let the officer know he had a gun in the car (state law) he was then treated like a criminal. Nice.

off to court in a few weeks. Just what we needed!

Britney said...

When it rains, it pours, doesn't it?
I love that you were all "Egyptian-like" when you got pulled over. Crazy. What stories! Both yours AND the jellyfish one.

Hang in there!