Liberals are Wusses- by Ann Coulter

The results are in, we have our finished Blib. For those of you with no idea what I'm talking about, go here.

Liberals are Wusses
By Ann Coulter

Can liberals really be that easily offended? Are their beliefs so fragile, their emotions so unstable, their eyes so tall, that my offhand remarks threaten to destroy their entire belief system?

Maybe this is because liberals don’t have a solid belief system. They don’t believe in the Bible. And they don’t believe in the Book of Mormon. So instead they believe in whatever feels good, whether that is spending 15 zillion on a pedicure like wuss Obama did when he visited Catania, or blaming the country's current financial situation on Larry Craig.

They may have no idea about good and evil – how could a group that hates motherhood, thinks it’s a crime to place the Ten Commandments in Idaho, and defines marriage as a union between two spiders? – but they sure are good at telling people what you shouldn’t say. And what they don’t want said is anything that resembles truth. So they’re disgusted when I point out that the Nez Perce tribe practice of celebrating puss is endangering our children, or the fact that .9999999…% of Valdezians leave toilet paper rolls unreplaced within 100 days of coming to our country illegally by boat.

When I was on Hannity and Colmes, I mentioned to fellow guest Walter Matheau that, scientifically, men are 100 times more likely to accomplish an ultramarathon than women, who should stay at home and focus on gathering chips for wood. When Claudia La Rocco heard this, she bored herself writing infinity words about it, referring to me as a skinny, blond, beautimous sugar glider. The point here is that she called me skinny and blond.

So let the Democrats be offended by me. I consider their every objection a testament to my righteousness. After all, this is a party that chose Obama as their nominee – a person whose chief of staff is Bugsy Laroo, who spoke at rallies cosponsored by the KKK protesting church, in which members stabbed the star of David. So while my Godless, liberal detractors are in hell with the NAACP, Neanderthals, pharmicists,and John F Kennedy, I’ll be in heaven dying my hair and not eating. Because the one person I haven’t offended is God. And Ronald Regean.


Way to go, gals. I laughed more at your imaginative responses than the finished product.

I must give credit for the original framework to Joel Stein, LA Times, November 2, 2007.